I Rejoice in Relationships

Pastor Burcham’s Sermon
Sunday, July 24, 2011

I need to tell you about a tragic accident, tragic accident in which three friends all died. And as it goes, the three of them go up to heaven. They’re standing before the pearly gates and, as you might guess, St. Peter is there. And as the story goes, Pete has a question for them but it’s the same question for each of the three individuals who are standing there.

So Pete looks at them and he says, “Now, I want to ask you a question. When family and friends pass by your casket, what would you like to hear them say about you?” The first man thinks for a minute and he says, “Well, I’d like to hear them say that because of my medical profession, many lives were saved and that I was a good father.” The second man comes up and he says, “You know, I’d like to hear them say that I was a savvy business man, I was a good friend and I was a faithful husband.” The third man comes up and thinks for a minute and he says, “I’d really like to hear them say, ‘Look, he’s moving.’”

Seriously, what would you like to hear them say? What would you like to be remembered for? More than likely, what you’ll be remembered for is who you are, not what you’ve done. In other words, the emphasis will not be on your accomplishments but it will be on your relationships because that’s who we are as human beings. We’re created to be in relationships and some of our greatest joys and, unfortunately, some of our deepest sadness all flow from relationships because God created us to be in relationships.

If you recall back to creation, God looked at Adam and He says, “It’s not good for him to be alone. This isn’t right. Creation’s not done.” He made us to be in relationships with other people. We see that so evidently in Paul’s letter to the Church at Philippi. It is a deeply relational letter. It’s a deeply personal letter. As he lists for them and accounts for them the different reasons he has to rejoice, high on his list is he finds great joy in his relationships.

Specifically, here, it’s a relationship with the church itself. They had a special bond. His relationship with Timothy, Timothy was an apprentice, a young pastor that was by Paul’s side for a good deal of his ministry and also his relationship with Epaphroditus. Epaphroditus was the messenger that the Church at Philippi had sent to Paul and he was actually supposed to take Timothy’s place so Timothy could go back to Philippi. In those relationships, Paul had great joy.

I believe this morning we can find joy in our relationships and we can strengthen them if we look to some of the basic building blocks that Paul lays out in Chapter 2. Chapter 2, if you will, begins with Paul sort of saying, “Here are the parameters for your relationship. This is how you should treat one another. These are the things you should do.” He then goes on to Verses 5 through 11, which are an example. He says, “So you should have the same attitude as that of Christ Jesus who, being God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped.” He sort of outlines by example how Jesus lives out those principles of relationships.

Now at the end of Chapter 2, it’s the practical application. He says, “This is how it works. Look at the relationship that I have with you, the church, with Timothy and with Epaphroditus.” So from that, maybe you could glean more but I could glean three building blocks if we want to find joy in our relationships.

The first one is connection. Discover the connection that you have with the people you know and who you have a relationship with. You have some sort of connection with everyone, whether it’s a family member, a friend or if it’s just an acquaintance but if you can identify the connection, I contend the deeper the connection, the deeper the relationship.

You can have all kinds of things in common with someone. You can even be part of the same family. You can work next to them and still not have a deep relationship with them but if you can identify how is it that you’re connected to this person, if you can deepen that connection, you can deepen the relationship which translates into something you can rejoice about.

Let me show you by example. I believe there are three in Chapter 2, three connections that we see in Paul’s life. The first one I’m going to call is the connection of the same spirit. Better off to read it. So it says “Relationship with Timothy” and he says, “I hope to send Timothy to you very soon. I have no one else like him.” I’m not sure how else they could translate that, but it really doesn’t capture the essence of it and I don’t know that I can do better without being verbose, so I’m going to be verbose. Where it says, “no one else like him,” that’s actually just one word and, literally, it means “equal soul.” He describes Timothy as someone with whom he has an equal soul. They share the same spirit. I translate that to mean they have the same sort of mindset. They think alike. They act alike. They have the same passion. They’re the kind of people, when they sit down, they think they’ve been talking for fifteen minutes and two hours have elapsed. They have the same ideals. They have the same goals for life. That’s why the bond between Paul and Timothy is so tight between the two of them. That’s why, at times, Paul would send Timothy off as his representative.

He is here now at the Church at Philippi. It’s as if Paul were going to the Church at Philippi. We know through the letters that Paul sent to the Church at Corinth, he did the same there. He sent Timothy as his representative because the two of them had this same spirit, this equal soul that was their connection.

Do you have someone like that in your life? What a huge blessing it is if you do, someone that you think it’s been fifteen minutes and two hours have gone by because you’re just engaged in conversation. You think alike. You have the same passions, the ideals, the same goals. You have this kindred spirit. Sometimes people call it soul mates and that doesn’t necessarily have to mean a romantic relationship. This kindred spirit, this equal soul, if you can identify that connection, then you can capitalize on that connection.

What I mean is you want to make sure that you spend time with that person. You want to make sure there’s time for you to visit and talk because both of you will be filled up with that as you experience that kindred spirit, as you share those common goals and passion. Deepen the connection. Deepen the relationship. It turns into something to rejoice about, to be filled with joy. One connection is that same spirit connection.

The next connection we think of from Paul’s relationships I’m going to call it the fellow worker. That’s his relationship with Epaphroditus. He says this about him, “But I think it’s necessary to send back to you Epaphroditus, my brother, my fellow worker, my fellow soldier.” In other words, he says, “If I have a job to do, this is the guy I’m going to pack. If there’s a task that needs to be completed, yeah, this is the guy that I want by my side. He’s my fellow worker. He’s my fellow soldier. I can stand next to him and we can march ahead and we can get things done and it doesn’t even seem like work.”

For me, this is my next oldest brother. This is definitely our connection. Nine out of ten times when he and I get together, we work on a project together, either at his house or the rare occasion he comes to my house. No, it’s not because it’s free labor. It’s because it’s our connection. In fact, I think it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that we’re brothers. Rick and I would not sit down and talk for hours. That just isn’t going to happen. But we’ll work all day long together. So my best memories of him are the projects we’ve done together.

One of my best ones, over 30 years ago, is when he and I painted his entire house before he moved in. Three coats, I think we did it in three days. We worked our tails off. That’s such a great memory for me because that’s the connection.

There’s someone like that in your life. Your connection with them is that you love working with them. You get the job done but it doesn’t seem like work. You work hand in glove. You compliment each other. You don’t even really need to talk about it because you approach the project the same way. You’re not going to sit down and talk to them for hours, but you’ll gab the whole time you’re working on that project together. My point is if you know that, if you can identify that connection, you can capitalize on it. When I get together with my brother, we look for a project to do, big or small, because we know in doing that together, that strengthens our relationship.

So if you can identify that, you can deepen the connection, you deepen the relationship and that’s something to celebrate.

The third connection that I could draw from here actually applies both to Timothy and Epaphroditus. That is, their connection in Christ. Paul identifies his common connection in Christ. Yes, with the Church at Philippi, also with Timothy, also with Epaphroditus. It is this connection in Christ that makes all the difference in the world. It adds another dimension to the relationship. It’s not just on an emotional level but now it’s on a spiritual level that you’re connected to this other person. I also would contend that for those relationships you have with fellow believers, if you could capitalize on your connection in Christ, those relationships will be long lasting. Those relationships can stand the test of time and the reason I say that is because when you are connected in Christ, when there is conflict, there can be resolution. When there is conflict, you can have reconciliation because of this connection in Christ.

Paul knows all about conflict. He addresses it at the end of his letter when he pleads with two women. He says, “I plead with you, I beg you to agree,” but agree how? “Agree in the Lord.” To find reconciliation in that oneness they have in Christ. Paul has experienced it first hand. He’s had his share of conflict. He had a bitter dispute with Peter. He had another dispute with a man named Barnabas. It got to the point where he and Barnabas had to split ways. They had to go their own separate ways, but it didn’t mean they were enemies. They were reconciled to one another because of their bond in Christ.

Can you name me one relationship you have that is conflict-free? I can’t. Not this side of heaven. You can’t name me one family member, one friend that you haven’t had a bitter word with, that you haven’t had a disagreement with, that you haven’t talked to for awhile. Conflict is just part of living this side of heaven, so if you want to strengthen that relationship, then capitalize on your connection in Christ because there, reconciliation takes place and it takes place by this: Confession and forgiveness. And I mean true confession and forgiveness. What I mean by that is it’s honest and the issue is resolved.

Too often for us, and I don’t know if it’s just us in the Midwest or if it’s everywhere, we don’t like conflict. I don’t know anybody who likes conflict. Maybe a couple obnoxious people but, on a whole, we don’t like conflict. And we run from conflict. We try to avoid it. We try to ignore it. We try to bury it. We’ll do all kinds of things but, friends, I’m telling you, unresolved issues don’t go away. They just build up bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger until finally, usually something small happens and the whole thing explodes and there’s a big argument.

Conflict resolution is when you take it seriously and you address it honestly.

Let’s go to our example of our relationship with God Himself. Big conflict. Huge conflict between us and God. It’s called sin. Sin separates us from God. How seriously did God take sin? Serious enough that He took on flesh and blood? Serious enough that He watched His Son die so there could be reconciliation between us, so we could have forgiveness through His Son? Can we take conflict in our relationships any less seriously?

Honest confession and forgiveness means that we swallow our pride and we very specifically confess to the person we approach that we did wrong. No excuses. No reasons. It also means that on the forgiveness side, we honor that by forgiving them. We don’t honor by saying, “That’s okay, it doesn’t matter.” “Oh, yeah, it really didn’t hurt.” No, no, no, no. You honor that when you take it very seriously and you forgive that person. That means if it’s the forgiveness like we have from God, it’s never brought up again. No history lesson six months or six years from now. The issue is resolved.

Think about that in your relationships. If you can capitalize on that connection in Christ and you can resolve conflict, that leads to a deep relationship and that is reason to rejoice. The first building block in a relationship is connection.

The second one is consistency. Good friends, good family members, good spouses, they all come from consistency. That is, knowing there’s someone you can count on, someone who’s always going to be there. Paul had that. He describes it with Timothy. He says, “But you know that Timothy has proved himself, because as a son with his father, he has served with me in the work of the gospel.” There’s a lot that’s being said in that little line when he says, “He served with me in the work of the gospel,” because it hasn’t been easy for Paul. It’s been an uphill climb his whole life. He’s faced death on numerous occasions. He’s been beat up. He’s been left for dead. He’s been into conflicted congregations. He’s had all kinds of trouble, and Timothy stuck by him. He was loyal to Paul the entire way.

In fact, I mentioned before that Paul sent him to the Church at Corinth. That’s not an easy assignment. Sending Timothy to Philippi, that’s an easy assignment. He sent him to Corinth, a very conflicted and troubled congregation, but he sent him because he knew he could trust him. He knew he could rely upon him. There was a consistency in their relationship. There was a trust in their relationship.

In every relationship we have, there has to be trust. There has to be consistency. You have to know that you can rely on that person and that person needs to know they can rely upon you.

Let’s go back to our relationship with God. Why do we believe in God? Why is it we can have faith in God? Why is it that we trust God? One of the reasons is consistency. Scripture says Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. He’s not going to change. He’s not going to change His mind. He’s not going to be different a year from now. He’s the same yesterday, today and tomorrow.

In our relationships, can that be said of us? We’re the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. We hang by people. We are loyal to people, even when they do things we don’t like, even when they do things we disagree with. We don’t have to agree with them. We don’t have to condone them, but we don’t have to abandon them either. It’s that kind of consistency knowing that you’re someone who can be trusted, someone they can rely on. That builds a strong relationship, one that you can find joy in.

The third building block, compassion. Compassion is when you put the needs of someone else above your own, when you look to them more than yourself. Let’s go back to Chapter 2 as Paul lays it out. He lays out first of all, here’s the ideal and he uses Jesus as an example. “Jesus put our needs above His own.” He didn’t consider equality with God something to be grasped. He became obedient to His Father, obedient even unto death. He put your needs and my needs above His own. He put your life and my life above His own, so He would sacrifice Himself so we could have life, so we could have forgiveness. That’s compassion that God has had upon us.

Practical application: Paul puts it into his life. Paul has compassion for the Church at Philippi. He puts their needs above his own. As you recall in Chapter 1, “I’d rather be in heaven really, but I know that you need me so I’m staying here.” How about here in Chapter 2? Timothy is this equal soul, that connection he has with him? He didn’t really want to be separated from Timothy but he says, “I’m sending Timothy to you because I know that you need him.” And how about Epaphroditus? Epaphroditus was supposed to be Timothy’s replacement. He came there to help and assist Paul, but the man almost died. When you have a brush with death, you want to get back home to family and friends. Paul understands that about Epaphroditus, so he says, “I’m sending him back to you.” Paul’s going to be alone because he put the needs of the congregation above his own.

Could you imagine your relationships if we could do that? If with family, friends, coworkers, if each one could look out for the needs of the others, all of our needs would be met, but they’d be met through each other and that’s a strong bond.

This may be the biggest challenge for us because this is countercultural. We live in a society that is very self-centered, that is very consumer-oriented, that asks just one question, “What’s in it for me?” What’s in it for me? Maybe that’s why there are so many broken relationships because we keep asking “What’s in it for me,” instead of “What can I do for you?”

If we start asking the second question, if we start looking out for the needs of other people, I guarantee relationships will be stronger. They’ll be immovable. Compassion. Putting the needs of others above our own.

These are the building blocks that Paul has laid out in his letter to the Church at Philippi. He lays out the foundation. He gives an example in Christ and then the practical application in his own life. We can learn from that. In our relationships, look for those connections. Deepen the connection, deepen the relationship. Consistency. Be loyal, trustworthy, looking for the same in someone else. Compassion. Putting the needs of others above ourselves.

Those are strong relationships, relationships that you can find great joy in, relationships that you can rejoice over, relationships that will be talked about as people pass by your casket some day. Amen.